Deserving Pain
by rosebud93
Summary: This is what I think should have happened the summer after Harry's fifth year. Abuse and suicide attempts, just a warning. Also it's a Harry/Ginny. I stink at summaries, so please read and give this story a chance!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any thing of Harry Potter! **

**A/N: Okay, this story is being rated M for language, abuse and later on attempted suicide. So if you don't like reading that kind of stuff, then I suggest you don't read this. There will be romance later with Harry and Ginny, but I am pretty sure that there isn't going to be a lemon. I always thought that as Harry got older the books should become darker, so here is my take on what happened after the fifth year. Please read and review. Constructive criticism is welcomed!**

Harry sat in the car, silently listening to his cousin Dudley ridicule him to no end. Not that Harry was paying much attention anyways; he had different things on his mind. It was the summer after his fifth year at Hogwarts and the death of his godfather, Sirius, had taken a great toll on him.

All Harry could think about was Sirius falling into the veil and disappearing forever, he knew deep down that he was dead, but he could not admit it yet. The killing curse hit him before he fell after all, but something inside Harry made him keep a shard of the mirror Sirius gave him.

Harry starred at the small shard in his hands and wished with all his might to see Sirius' face stare back at him. He turned the glass in every directing hoping to see a glimpse of twinkling eyes stare back at him, but nothing ever came.

Harry finally stopped fiddling with the mirror and was just about to put it in his pocket, when Dudley grabbed it out of his hand.

"Hey!" Harry spoke up for the first time during the whole care ride home.

"Quiet down boy!" Yelled Vernon from the driver's seat, his face already starting to turn red with anger.

"Why do you have this piece of rubbish with you anyways?" Dudley asked while examining the piece of glass.

"Give it back, I mean it Dudley!" Harry hissed, while lunging for the mirror, but Harry was too slow. Dudley placed his hand out the window, the shard of glass hanging threateningly at the tips of his fingers.

Harry pulled back immediately, not wanting to knock the piece of glass out of Dudley's hands. "Give it back now or you will pay!" Harry spat loudly.

"Enough!" Vernon yelled, "I told you to shut up, boy!"

"Whoops," Dudley said sarcastically as he dropped the mirror to the ground. Harry whipped his head around to look out the back window, only to see another car run over the piece of glass and break it into a million more pieces.

All Harry wanted to do was to beat the living shit out of cousin right now, but his body would not let him. The last piece of evidence that his godfather may still be alive was gone. Harry had nothing else to hope for, now he knew for sure that Sirius was never coming back, ever.

Involuntarily, tears began to flood down Harry's cheeks. He made to wipe them away before Dudley or his uncle could see but his reactions were to slow. Dudley immediately saw the tears dripping down Harry's face and broke out into a cruel laugh.

"What's wrong Potter, was that the most expensive thing you owned, a broken mirror?" Dudley taunted.

Harry just sat silently, not having the strength to fight Dudley at the moment and seeing as they were in a moving car, there was no chance of escaping if Dudley decided to punch him, or worse, sit on him.

"Oh, come on Potter, stop being such a wimp." Dudley said as he punched Harry roughly in the arm. Harry flinched briefly in pain, but ducked the next punch aimed at his head just in time.

With out thinking Harry, punched Dudley square in the nose. Blood spurted everywhere and Petunia shrieked as she saw the blood poor down her baby's face, "Duddykins!"

"I am going to kill you, boy! Look at what you have done to Dudley and look at the blood on the seats that will never come out. You are going to pay when we get home!" Vernon yelled louder than before, his face was officially a red and the vane in his forehead was starting to become more visible.

In just five minutes Vernon pulled the car into number four, Private Drive. Harry thought about running out of the car as soon as it stopped, but he knew he had no where to go and he could not leave Hedwig all alone with the Dursleys.

Vernon jumped out of the car as soon as he stopped the engine and walked over to Harry's door. He yanked the door open and grabbed a fist full of Harry's hair. He pulled him out of the car and into the house, so he would not make a scene in front of the neighbors, while Petunia ran to aid Dudley, who was bleeding more rapidly now.

Once inside the house, Vernon started to scream at the top of his lungs at Harry, and Harry was pretty sure that going inside would not stop the neighbors from hearing. "You think your freaky friends scarred me with their threats, no! You are going to pay for their mistakes of threatening me this summer, don't you worry. And to start a fight with Dudley, how dare you when we took you in!"

Harry just starred at his Uncle silently waiting for him to cool down, Harry had been screamed at many times by his uncle and he learned that the easiest way to deal with him was to stay silent. Then out of nowhere Vernon took his fist and punched Harry straight in the jaw, Harry fell to the ground in surprise, his uncle had never given him any physical punishments before.

Harry made to get up, but his uncle kicked him to the ground again. Vernon started kicking Harry repeatedly and Harry did not even put up an effort to stop him. In a way, Harry felt as if he deserved this as punishment for Sirius' death. So he let his uncle beat him until he was satisfied.

A few minutes later, Vernon stopped kicking Harry and yelled, "Get to your room boy and don't come out until I say!"

Harry crawled up the stairs with all the strength he had left in him. When he got to his room he collapsed on the floor in both physical and emotional pain. 'I deserve to hurt; I deserve to hurt for the rest of my life.' Was the last thing Harry thought before he passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry woke up on the floor, his body was curled into a ball and his limbs were stiff from lying there so long. He must have been slept through the whole night, because when he took a quick glance out of the window the sun was out.

Harry began to slowly get up; he could still feel the after affects of his uncle's beating. His jaw was hurting badly and Harry doubted he could talk without being in more pain. Although, worse than his jaw was his stomach. Harry lifted his shirt gingerly to see the damage his uncle had down while kicking him. Almost his whole stomach was black and blue and Harry was pretty sure that one of his ribs was broken.

'I deserve this, Sirius died for me and I can't even tolerate a little pain.' Was all Harry thought about his injuries.

When Harry looked around his room he noticed that Hedwig's cage had been thrown haphazardly on the floor with her still inside of it. A new lock on her cage made it so she could not escape or be let out.

"I'm sorry girl," Harry said and winced as the pain shot through his jaw. He gingerly bent over to pick up the cage and put it on the bureau across from his bed, if you could even call it a bed. The mattress was lumpy and springs were sticking out of a few places in it. Not to mention how the mattress caved in towards the middle, do to his cousin's obese body laying in it previously.

Harry laid down on the mattress anyways, not wanting to sleep on the floor again and before long, Harry was asleep.

_"No, please don't kill him. Take me, don't hurt Sirius!" Harry yelled as he watched the scene in the Department of Mysteries play before him once again. He tried to run to save Sirius from being hit by the killing curse, but his body would not let him. It was as if his feet were glued to the ground. "No!" Harry yelled one last time as the bolt of green hit Sirius, killing him and knocking him through the veil._

Harry woke up sobbing into his pillow; sweat dripped down his face and his body was shaking uncontrollably. He sat up abruptly not caring about the pain that shot through him from the sudden movement and turned to punch his pillow. The pillow sunk in from Harry's hard punch, but did not satisfy Harry's anger at all. So before he could even think about how his Uncle would punish him, he got up looked into the small mirror next to his bed and punched it as hard as he could. The mirror shattered into pieces and fell to the ground loudly. Harry pulled his bloody knuckles back slowly; looking at the damage he had done to himself.

Harry bent down slowly picking up a piece of the broken mirror and held it in his hands for a minute, then slowly he took the razor sharp edge of the shard and placed it on the inside of his wrist. He pushed down just enough to make to blood start to poor from his skin and started dragging the glass across his wrist making a deep cut.

Harry took the shard of glass away from his skin and again and put it a few centimeters up from his previous cut, he did this over and over to his left wrist, until he was satisfied. He placed the bloody piece of glass down on the floor and starred at the blood dripping from his wrist, the wrist closest to his heart.

--

Harry awoke to his uncle towering above him, screaming loudly. The vain in his forehead was bulging out of his head and his fist was pulled back ready to punch Harry. Harry knew he should move before his uncle really did punch him, but the loss of blood and the feeling that he deserved this made him stay in place.

Vernon's fist collided with Harry's already sore jaw and Harry cried out in pain. He could feel the taste of blood in his mouth almost choking him, so he spit.

"We take you in and the first day your back you destroy our property and now you have made a mess all over the floor! You ungrateful delinquent!" Vernon screamed and kicked Harry in the stomach once again. Harry doubled over in pain as his already sore stomach was kicked again. After a few more kicks and another punch to the jaw Vernon was done. "Now clean this mess up!" Vernon yelled as he stormed out of the door, locking it behind him.

Harry could not move, he just wanted to sit there and die. 'I deserve to die, look at how many people have died for me; it's my entire fault. I deserve to die, I need to feel the pain of dieing I deserve it.' Harry thought as he rolled over to grab a piece of glass of the floor and with no regret he placed the broken piece of mirror on his skin and pushed down deeply over and over again, until he passed out from pain and lack of blood.

--

Remus had just shown up for his watch on Harry, Mundungus Fletcher was nowhere to be seen. 'Probably off trying to sell some cheap supplies in Knockturn Ally.' Remus thought to himself.

He began to approach Harry's house to make sure that Harry was okay. A strong disillusionment charm protected him from being seen, so he walked into the yard and looked into Harry's window. There appeared to be no one in Harry's room, but Remus had just checked the backyard and the playground. 'Where could he be?' Remus asked himself.

Remus apparated himself into Harry's bedroom, curiosity getting the better of him, even though Dumbledore had forbidden contact with Harry. What Remus saw would be permanently embedded in his brain for the rest of his life, Harry's body lay on the floor a pool of blood around him. Remus ran over and yelled, "Enervate." Nothing happened, so Remus checked for a pulse. His pulse was faint, but he was still alive.

Remus scooped the skinny boy into his arms and apparated to the only safe place he knew he could bring Harry, the Burrow.

**A/N: I know my chapters have been pretty short, but I'm going to try to make them longer, I hope. Please read and review, constructive criticism would be nice**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I am so so sorry it took me so long to update! I have been on vacation and had no computer so I am going to try to get the next couple of chapters up soon. Oh, and I just wanted to say thanks for the reviews!**

"Help!" Remus screamed, as he carried Harry's body out of the fireplace and collapsed on the floor. The living room was completely empty, but the clinking of plates and the chatter at the table was coming from the kitchen.

The first to run into the room was Ginny, "Oh, Merlin! Mom, come quick!" Screamed Ginny as she collapsed down on the floor next to Harry, taking his hand in hers and smoothing back his hair from his face.

Mrs. Weasley came running into the room as soon as Ginny screamed her name, the rest of the Weasley family followed behind quickly.

"Oh, my…" Mrs. Weasley started to say, but stopped and rushed over to start healing Harry's injuries. With seven children came many cuts, bruises and even a few broken bones, but most of all, with seven children, came the knowledge and experience with healing these injuries.

With every cut, bruise and bone healed, Mrs. Weasley thought of her children, how she had mended each and every one of them many times and now, now she was healing her eighth child for the first time.

"Fred, George, go to the potions cabinet and take out a blood replenishing potion and a dreamless sleeping potion," Mrs. Weasley said softly as she slowly got up to sit on the couch. Ginny still sat on the floor clutching Harry's hand and stroking his hair softly. On the other side of Harry sat Ron holding onto Hermione tightly, her head berried in his chest, not able to watch the seen that lay before her.

Hermione had come to the burrow just three days previously and was wondering when Harry would come stay too, she was worried about him after Sirius' death but she had never imagined that Harry would come to the burrow like this.

"Mom…" Ron started to speak quietly. "What could those cuts on Harry's wrist be from? I have never seen anything like it?"

"I'm not sure…" Mrs. Weasley started but Hermione interrupted her.

"I know," Hermione said finally looking at Harry again. "It's something that some muggles do sometimes when they are depressed. They cut their wrists to hurt themselves and sometimes to even kill themselves, it's rather hard to explain why." Hermione whispered, fresh tears were running down her cheeks and she let them fall, not even bothering to wipe them away.

"You mean he did this to himself?" Ron asked, not believing what Hermione had stated. Hermione just nodded her head sadly.

The whole room fell silent until Fred and George came back, each of them held a potion in their hands. "Here mom." The twins stated at the same time, while handing their mother the potions.

"We need to wake him up so he can swallow the potions." Mrs. Weasley said as she got off the couch and sat next to Ginny. "Enervate." She whispered.

Harry's eyes began to flutter open and a groan escaped his lips, the first thing he saw was Ginny's face looking down at him worriedly, he went to stoke her face soothingly, but she was already holding his hand.

"It's okay, Harry, take these potions, I'll be here when you wake up," Ginny said softly into his ear. Harry nodded slightly and before he new it his mouth was being opened for him and potions were being poured down his throat. He swallowed quickly and the next thing he knew, he was surrounded in black.

--

Harry awoke with a start, not knowing where he was or what had happened. The last thing he remembered was seeing Ginny's face… then in a sudden rush everything came flooding back to him- the beating, the cutting, Ginny's face, and then darkness.

Looking around he realized that he was in Ron's room in the spare bed he usually slept in when he visited the burrow. Ron was passed out on his bed snoring loudly while Hermione lay next to him, her head on Ron's chest, her face twisted in a bad dream.

Then with a brief flicker of panic Harry whipped his head around, only to see that the other presence he felt on the room was Ginny; her warm brown eyes starring into his emerald green ones.

"How did I get here?" Asked Harry after a few minutes of looking at Ginny in silence. His voice cracked from the dryness in his throat, so he swallowed quickly before asking another question, "How long have I been asleep?"

Ginny smiled sadly at him and answered softly, "Remus brought you. He was worried and went to check on you and he… he found you hurt and took you to one of the only safe places for you to stay right now- the burrow. Oh, and you have only been asleep for a few hours, I guess Mum didn't give you enough dreamless sleep potion."

Harry nodded and looked down to examine his wrists, the cuts had been healed, but large ragged scars had replaced them.

Ginny noticed where Harry's eyes had wondered and began to explain, "Mom healed them, uh Harry?"

Harry looked at Ginny but did not say a word; he knew what the next words to come out of her mouth would be and was not sure how to reply.

"Hermione said those cuts on your wrists, that you… that you did them to yourself?" Ginny questioned, slightly unsure.

Harry's body stiffened and he looked away from Ginny's sad eyes.

Harry's body language was enough of an answer for Ginny, so she kept talking, very cautious of what she was going to say. "Why Harry, I mean you don't have to tell me now or even ever, but I want you to know that you can talk to me. I won't tell anyone." Ginny ended and waited for a reply, even though she did not expect one.

That is why when Harry began to speak her eyes widened in surprise, "I deserved it," was all Harry said.

Ginny was silent and Harry was grateful for that, he did not want anybody to try and console him, to tell him nothing was his fault. He knew deep down everything was his fault and no matter what anyone said to console him, he would always feel that way.

After a few minutes of silence, Ginny spoke, "Try to sleep, Harry. You need your rest." And with one last look at Ginny, Harry fell asleep, totally exhausted.

**A/N: Thanks for reading, please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey everyone, I just want to thank my reviewers and all of my readers so much. Here is the next chapter, I hope you like it. Oh, I just want to say that the beginning is worded a little awkwardly, so please try to read until the end, I promise it gets better!**

"Sirius… Sirius!" Harry woke up screaming. The sheets were twisted around him in a tight cocoon and sweat was dripping down his face. It had been the same dream as every night, of the Department of Mysteries, of Sirius dieing.

"It's okay, Harry, it was just a dream." Came Ginny's soothing voice, but was interrupted by a high pitch squeal that came from Hermione.

"Harry you're awake! Ron, get up!" Were the next words, practically screamed, out of Hermione's mouth, as she leaped out of bed and rushed to Harry's side.

Harry closed his eyes again, wishing Hermione would go away. He knew that she would want to know every detail about how he was feeling and about what exactly happened at his uncle's house.

"Hey, mate." Came Ron's voice from beside Hermione.

Harry opened his eyes, grateful at the sound of Ron's nonchalant voice. However, the second he opened his eyes, Hermione began to bombard him with questions. "Harry what happened at your house, why did you have so many cuts on your wrist, you did that to yourself, I know you did, what about the broken bones, are you okay?"

"Let the boy breath, Hermione." Ginny piped up defensively.

Harry gave Ginny's hand a squeeze in gratitude and remained quiet. He was obviously not okay and he knew Hermione knew that. Also, he did not even dare to talk because the second he answered even one of Hermione's questions he knew about ten more would follow, along with hours of lecturing. So, Harry stayed quiet and closed his eyes again, hoping his friends would get the point and leave him alone. Unfortunately Hermione was persistent, as was Ron in his own quiet way, so Harry stayed silent and refused to speak. And as his own little rule Harry stayed silent, he refused to speak to anyone about what happened and would only talk when the subject was anything but serious, and that is how it stayed for the next few days.

However, with every rule comes an exception and this exception happened to be Ginny. Ever since the first night Harry woke up in the burrow, Ginny had been there, and instead of badgering him or lecturing him, she talked to him like a normal person. Like he was completely normal, even if he did try to kill himself he was still Harry.

So, as the nights passed, Harry would sneak up to Ginny's room just to talk. To have a normal conversation and to be with a person who understood. They began to confide in each other more and more and before long they had become each other's confidant.

One night, Ginny found out what happened at Harry's uncle's house without even asking and Harry had found out more than he ever imagined about Ginny, things that no one even knew about…

"Harry, I feel like I can trust you, I mean I know you won't tell anyone, right?"

"Of course, Gin, everything you tell me I'll take to the grave." Harry replied while taking Ginny's hand in his.

"No one knows…"

"You can tell me anything Gin." Harry said soothingly.

"Well, it all started last year. I just felt so ugly and so boyish, I wanted to feel pretty, to know that I was a girl and that boys found me attractive. I grew up with six older brothers, I act like them, I'm not like all of the other girls. They like makeup and clothes; I like quidditch and a good prank. I thought no boy would ever like me. I just wanted to feel beautiful; for someone to think that I was beautiful.

So…so, I started dating Seamus and everything was okay at first, but he kept pushing me to go farther and farther with him, you know… sexually. Well, I just laughed it off at first and said no, but he kept asking and finally I just said yes. I just wanted to make him happy, and to feel loved. I wanted to know that someone thought I was beautiful, and knew that I was a girl, a real girl.

Oh, Merlin, Harry, we had sex. The whole time my stomach was in knots and I felt sick, but I couldn't tell him to stop. I wanted him to love me and I feel so horrible now. I'm so disgusting, I hate myself for being so weak, and I'm a Gryffindor for Merlin's sake! Look at me, I lost my virginity to a creep who just wanted sex.

When I told him I didn't want to have sex for a while, he stopped talking to me and was cold. I felt horrible, I mean, I let him touch me, I let him see and touch things no one has ever seen before, and now he hated me. I dumped him the next week, but I'll never be able to forgive myself. I hate myself." Ginny finished quietly, tears were running down her face and she was purposefully looking into her lap.

Harry took his hand away from Ginny's and wrapped his arms around her body and a tight hug. "Ginny you are the most beautiful, kind, wonderful girl I will ever meet. I love how you like quidditch and pranks; you're not like the rest of those snobbish girls. If guys don't like that about you, they aren't worth it. I wish you wouldn't feel like this Gin and I know I can't do anything to undo the past, but you need to realize how amazing you truly are. We have all made mistakes in the past." Harry said and gestured to his scarred wrists.

Ginny looked up at Harry, tears still staining her face. Harry brought one of his hands to wipe them away slowly and soon Ginny's face was dry. They stood there looking into each other's eyes for a moment and started to lean closer until their lips met. The kiss lasted a few seconds and both teenagers felt as if the other was taking some of their pain away. When they pulled apart, Ginny rested her head on Harry's chest and Harry held her tightly there, and that is how they stayed for the rest of the night.

**A/N: Thanks for reading, please review! Ideas and constructive criticism is welcomed!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey Guys! Here's my next chapter, hope you like it please read an review!**

"I'm going to kill you!" Ron screamed as he pounced on Harry, waking him up from his peaceful slumber. Harry started punching and kicking his attacker as hard as he could; not realizing whom it was until it was to late. Ron fell off of Harry, making a loud _thump_ as his body made contact with the hard floor. Blood gushed from his broken nose and his shirt was torn down the sleeve.

"Ron?" Harry asked, as he looked down at the floor at his best mate. Harry just realized what he had done and the guilt started to make his stomach feel sick.

"What the hell are you doing sleeping with my baby sister?" Ron screamed in outrage, while getting up to pounce on Harry again.

"Ron shut up, do you want the whole house to hear!" Whispered Ginny, as she sat up next to Harry in bed. She gave Ron one of her famous Weasley glares and said, "Harry and I were not doing anything wrong, and we just fell asleep talking last night. So don't get your knickers in a bunch!"

"Yeah, like I am supposed to believe that. When I came in here he had his arms wrapped around you and your head was on his chest, now tell me that didn't look suspicious."

"I don't care if it looked suspicious Ron, you shouldn't have jumped on Harry in the first place. Look at you, you're bleeding all over my bedroom floor." Ginny said while crossing her arms, her cheeks began to glow red with anger and her eyes turned a darker shade of brown.

Ron looked down at the floor and noticed the small puddle of blood that laid there, his face turned red in embarrassment and anger as he turned to face Harry. "I can't believe you punched me!"

"I can't believe you attacked me!" Harry shot back, angrily.

"You were sleeping with my baby sister, what the hell was I supposed to do?"

"Maybe wake us up and ask us about it. You always jump to conclusions!" Ginny intervened once again.

"No, I was right this time and I'm sticking to that. Now, Potter, I don't care how messed up in the head you are right now, but if I ever see you near my baby sister again I will kill you." Ron said as he got up to walk out of Ginny's room. However, before he could even take one step towards the exit, Ginny was on top of him, throwing punches at his already injured nose and pulling his hair as hard as he could. Ron fell to the ground as he let his sister pulverize him, what could he do, he was always taught not to hit Ginny, even if she was like one of his brothers.

Harry got out of bed quickly and grabbed Ginny around the waist, pulling her off of Ron. Ginny kicked and punched the air, as she squirmed to get free out of Harry's grasp.

"It's okay Gin." Harry whispered in her ear.

"If you ever talk to Harry like that again, I will murder you Ron Weasley!" Ginny screeched at the top of her lungs. "How could you say something like that?"

Ron just stayed on the floor, briefly paralyzed from the pain in his nose and the rest of his body.

"What is going on in here?" Mrs. Weasley shouted as she entered Ginny's room, where she found a bloody Ron on the ground and a squirming Ginny in Harry's arms. "Someone explain right now!"

Ron just got up and walked out of the room, ignoring his mother's accusing looks. Harry let Ginny down onto the bed and bowed his head, not able to look into Mrs. Weasley's eyes. Ginny was the only one that spoke, "Ron was just being an over protective prick again!"

"How did…" Mrs. Weasley began, but Ginny cut her off.

"I don't want to talk about it, just go heal your little Ronnikins."

Mrs. Weasley looked at the puddle of blood by Ginny's bed and then at the blood trail leading out of the door. Then she looked at Ginny, by once glance of her daughter's face, Mrs. Weasley could tell that Ginny needed to cool down before she could even begin to talk to her.

"Fine." Mrs. Weasley said, as she walked out the door in search of Ron.

Ginny slammed the door shut after Mrs. Weasley and turned to look at Harry, who was sitting on her bed, his eyes closed and his hands shaking.

"Harry," Ginny said softly as she approached Harry.

"I didn't mean to hurt him." Was all Harry said.

"I know, but that git deserved it."

"No, Gin, he was right. I can't be with you, I have too many problems and I don't want to burden you with them. I can't put all of my problems on you it's not fair. You can do so much better than me, Gin." Harry said, never opening his eyes.

Ginny went over the bed and sat across from Harry. She put her hands on his and said, "Harry, I think you are to good for me. I would be so lucky to have you."

Harry opened his eyes and Ginny could see sadness completely visible in them. "No, Gin, I care about you to much to put all of these burdens on you. We can't do this."

"Harry…" Ginny began, but Harry cut her off.

"No, Gin, I'm sorry this is all of my fault," And with out warning Harry jumped from the bed and dashed out the door leaving a stunned Ginny behind.

Ginny lay down and buried her head into her pillow. She could feel the hot tear begin to run down her face and she let them fall, knowing no one was there to see her cry. She had told Harry her deepest, darkest secret and he left her there all alone.

_He didn't leave me because he thought it was the right thing to do, he left me because of what I have done. I don't blame him; he didn't want an already used girl. I am tainted and horrible. I knew he was lying when he called me beautiful, he probably just said that to make me feel better. He probably hates how I am so boyish too, why else would he leave me. He didn't want to put his burdens on me, ha, yeah right. He didn't want me because I am used and ugly. _

Ginny fell asleep, thinking those thoughts, exhausted from all of the fighting and crying from this morning.

--

Harry walked alone through the Weasley's garden. He was thinking about Ginny and how he cared about her so much and because of that he had to leave her. He could not add his burdens onto her life it was not fair. She deserved a normal guy who would make her happy, not a guy with so much weight on his shoulders.

Harry continued walking, while thinking about Ginny and how she was better off with out him, how _everyone _was better off with out him. _Everyone_, and with this last thought Harry picked up a nearby stone. It's sharp edge, seamed to shine in the sunlight and without a second thought he dragged the sharp edge across his wrist multiple times, until he passed out from pain and lack of blood. He welcomed the forever darkness soon to come.

**A/N: Thanks for reading, please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey guys, last chapter! Thanks to all of my reviewers and to my friend allystranglikes pancakes for helping me with ideas for this story. Enjoy!**

Ron was the one that found Harry on the ground in the garden; his eyes closed tight his wrists leaking blood. He called for help as he carried Harry's almost lifeless body to the house. Finally collapsing at the door, where his mother was just rushing out, wand in hand, ready to heal. Ron held Harry in his arms, as his mother healed the wounds Harry inflicted on himself.

Ron wondered what he could have done to make Harry less depressed. If Harry could just open up to him, maybe everything would be fine, just like old times. Not that any of the past memories held a particularly happy Harry; he was always in pain, maybe always would be.

When Mrs. Weasley was done healing Harry, Ron carried him to the couch where everyone could keep an eye on him.

"Ron, honey, let me just levitate him." Mrs. Weasley offered, but Ron just shook his head and continued to carry Harry, placing him down on the old couch by the glowing fire.

A few minutes passed in silence, then soft footsteps started coming down the stairs. A shriek of horror was soon to follow. "What happened?" Ginny whispered as she ran to Harry's side, taking one of his cold hands in hers and placing her head gingerly on his chest.

"He tried to kill himself again, the same way as last time." Ron answered almost coldly, but Ginny knew that he didn't mean it. Ron was not the type of person to be able to deal with these types of situations well.

Ron walked away from the crying Ginny, heading into the kitchen where his mother was trying to console herself and be brave for the rest of the grieving family.

Ginny let her soft tears roll down her cheeks and hit Harry's chest, she laid there for hours. The whole Weasley family passed her, but did not say a word, what could they say? Was there anything that any of them could say to make the situation better… no.

Finally, hours later Harry began to stir. Ginny took her head of Harry's chest and looked at his face, waiting for his eyes to open. "I'm so sorry Gin." Harry said without opening his eyes. "I don't want to hurt you anymore."

Ginny placed her head on Harry's chest again and whispered softly so only Harry could here, "Harry, if I could, I would take all of your pain away, every last drop of it and carry it with me for the rest of my life, just so you would be happy. And I would be happy, just to see you happy."

Harry squeezed Ginny's hand tighter, still pretending to be asleep so none of the other Weasley's would hear him in the kitchen and rush over. "Ginny, I don't think I can do this anymore."

"Do what, Harry?"

A moment of silence passed between the two, and then Harry replied, "Live."

Ginny could feel the tears start to burn her eyes once again, but she held them back. "I don't want to live without you Harry, you're the only one I can trust, the only one I can tell everything to. I have loved you from the day I first saw you at the train station and I will never love anyone else, the way I love you. If you die, I die right with you. Besides, do you know how many times I have come close to killing myself?"

"Ginny, I love you too, I can't let you die."

"Don't you see Harry, when we die, we will be able to be together forever. Nothing bad will happen to us again, we won't have to feel these awful feelings that tear us up inside everyday. I don't want to live without you."

"Ginny, let's go flying, I need to clear my head." Harry whispered, as he got off of the sofa quietly. He took Ginny's hand and they both made their way to the door as quietly as they could.

Once out the door, the two ran to the broom shed as fast as they could, ducking behind bushes every chance they got. When they finally reached the shed, they grabbed the brooms and in a matter of seconds they were flying through the air.

"I dare you to see how high up these brooms can take us!" Ginny yelled to Harry, as she started to tilt her broom, shooting herself upwards at full speed.

Harry followed Ginny, until their brooms hit the maximum height limit. There, they hovered in silence, until Harry began to speak, "Ginny, I can't live in this world anymore, there are to many evils that follow me around. I just want to be happy, to… to see my family again."

"Harry, I want to go anywhere you go and if that means death, than I am right there with you. I'm brave, I'm not afraid to die. I am in Gryffindor after all." Ginny ended with a slight chuckle.

"Ginny, you mustn't, you have so many good things ahead of you in life."

"No, Harry, I will never be happy again. I can't live with the guilt of what I have done, of what I will do."

Harry flew over to Ginny and grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes, "I love you."

"I love you too." Ginny whispered and with out another thought, both Harry and Ginny jumped off of their brooms.

The whole time, they were falling they held onto each other's hands as tight as they could, knowing they would be together forever, without any evils tearing them up inside.

**A/N: I know many of you may not like this ending but I couldn't see it any other way. Please read and review! I should be posting other stories soon, so check them out. Thanks again!**


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